the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize