I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
