im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
