I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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