matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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