I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
