dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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