$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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