my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
