if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
