i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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He managed to rip my nipple last night....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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