Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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