This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
