Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
