My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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