I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think my tv is drunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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