Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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