It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
