Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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