Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
