dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
