I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
