Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
