Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
