My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
