Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
