I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
