they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
