dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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