Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
