My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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