I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is the high leading the old right now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
