I have demons in me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
