So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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