i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
