his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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