dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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