are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
