Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
