On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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