im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
