The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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