My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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