just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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