After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
