my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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