my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
