if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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