A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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