i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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