How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night