i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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