i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
