we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So was this before or after he cried about trump?