I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
vagina is talking i cant
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once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
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It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero