yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize
