how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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