can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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