I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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