We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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