I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
