It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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