i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
ttyl tear gas
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
