just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
