This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
