Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
