So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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