he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
